Where the wind blows…

I feel a little unwell; light-headed and a bit giddy. Random stars and spots drift across my field of vision and I’m in danger of hyperventilating. As the wind whips into a pre-storm outside my door, I’ve had my finger poised over the Big Red Button on my PC so long that it went numb. Eventually I did it. I pressed ‘send’ – twice – and dispatched SINGLED OUT to two agents.

Only two, you say? Yes that’s right, only two; two important agents who’ve been recommended to me, either of whom I would be thrilled to be represented by. This is where it starts. I plan to take things slowly, in case it transpires (imagine!) that I receive any feedback. I might have missed something, or have something to learn, an error to correct, or things to polish, to improve my approach and raise my chances of success in the future. I don’t want to burn all my bridges at once.

It’s also inevitable that, despite having poured over my manuscript sample, synopsis and query emails for the last several days, tweaking this word and that, I will reread these documents in the morning and cringe – or cry. Most likely, I will reread the Nth redraft of my synopsis and want not so much to burn the bridges, but throw myself off one of them.

I’m the first to admit, I made heavy weather of the synopsis thing and I still wasn’t happy with the end result. Happier than I was, but I got nowhere near the smug glow of satisfaction I was hoping for, when I first imagined that if I reworked it diligently enough, I would eventually produce the perfect synopsis. Okay, you can laugh. But that’s the problem when you’re a bit of a perfectionist and your only deadline is self-imposed. Perfection feels tantalisingly within your grasp, so you keep reaching for it. Guess what, it isn’t.

But I admit it, there’s a nano-hope glinting in the corner of my mind and you must allow me to tease myself with it, at least for now. My nano-hope is that one of these two formidable agents finding my query email in their in-trays tomorrow morning will get a shiver of excitement when they skim through the contents, and I in turn, will get a request to submit my full manuscript. One step, one step at a time. I dare to dream. How about that?

But for now, it’s Sunday evening and there’s some kind of a weather event set to blast across the South East tonight, which will be my excuse if I can’t sleep. Right now, I think brandy is in order. Then at least I’ll be able to breathe again.

22 thoughts on “Where the wind blows…

  1. Good luck. I will be starting the same journey shortly. As they say, it’s always the hope that kills. That little sliver of belief that maybe, just maybe, you’re the one. I have everything crossed that you gain your wish

    1. Thank you, Dylan! I don’t play the Lottery but I have their strap line ringing in my ear…. “It could be you…” I look forward to hearing how you get on too.

        1. Love that positivity :). If you don’t go for it, you’ll never know. And if you do, it might just turn out to be your moment.

    1. Thanks! And I appreciate all the warmth and support. You don’t get far in life without forcing yourself out of your comfort zone every now and again. Here I am… uncomfortable for the time being, but strangely energised.

    1. Thank you, and I agree entirely. History is full of people who got where they wanted to get with tenacity and persistence… plus you need to take the lessons on board as you go 🙂

  2. Loved the title of this post as I was keenly aware of the monster storm blowing across your country. Hope you fared well. And delighted that you continue moving forward with your opus. You are a beacon to so many of us.

    1. Thanks for your encouragement – every kind word is so much appreciated. As it turned out, the storm was less aggressive than the news programmes had led us to expect, mostly – a tendency of the 24 hour news cycle to spread panic, I feel. We got off more lightly than is generally the US experience of storm weather.

    1. You’re right indeed. Now I’ve taken that first step, I’m beginning to get excited by the possibility of success. Possibility… possibility…, no more. There’s a strange thrill in entertaining a hope that it might all come together. It’s a bit like that “will he, won’t he call…” feeling I remember from school disco days. 🙂

    1. That’s lovely of you to say so. This post was ‘from the heart’… palpitations and all. For days afterwards, every ‘ping’ signalling the arrival of an email delivered me a moment of lurching excitement. Whilst I’ve had one rejection from my first clutch of submissions, there are a few outstanding, and I tease myself with the platitude: ‘no news is good news’. In my ambition to win the favours of an agent, all I’ve done is cross a starting line. It might be a sprint, or a marathon… or an obstacle race. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s