Ten things you should never eat on a first date

oysters-220955_1280 - narrowOrdering any of these foods on a first date is, in my humble opinion, a relationship-limiting move. Doh.

  1. Corn on the cob – no one looks luscious with their face smeared in melted butter. No one.
  2. French Onion soup – the one with the giant indigestible cheesy crouton floater. To say nothing of the gastrointestinal impact of the alliums.
  3. Snails in garlic butter – you might love them (as I do) but for some, the yuk-factor of these gummy little garden critters is insurmountable.
  4. Oysters – yes, really; they’re seriously overburdened with sexual innuendo and have no role to play on a respectable first date.
  5. Spaghetti Bolognaise – or indeed any flicky tomato-based spaghetti dish. It’s just not cool when your shirt looks like it’s been raining tomato sauce.
  6. Anything requiring chopsticks – unless you’re confident you can deploy them dexterously and without making a total ass of yourself.
  7. Anything wrapped in puff pastry – watching as you choke on stray flakes of dry pastry will smother your date’s libido.
  8. ‘Blue’ steak – order this only when you’re certain your partner is also a vampire.
  9. Sweetbreads – some people are inexplicably squeamish about animal glands. Most mistakenly believe them to be testicles. The potential yuk-factor rating amongst the untutored is up in the stratosphere – we’re in ‘I’m a Celebrity’ territory here.
  10. And last, but not least… Spare Ribs – they come with A BIB. Enough said.

11 thoughts on “Ten things you should never eat on a first date

  1. Lobster. This also comes with a bib. I did not realize this. I’ve told people if I’m eating spaghetti with them, I’m basically saying my soul is open to them. And for butter…I’m good if she wants the corn on the cob. Yum. 😉 Awesome list.

  2. Fondue. Especially a very smelly cheese fondue. The whole romantically passing pieces of food between each other turns into screeching in pain as volcanic cheese strings scald your chin. Or so I’ve been told.

    1. That sounds like bitter (or scalding) experience to me! And I second that. I love fondue, but you have to go carefully with a cauldron of boiling cheese and highly conductive metal forks. Or so I’ve been told.

  3. I agree with all, and I’d add that #3 and #4 should never be eaten at all. 😉

    I don’t understand the sweetbreads, though. When I think of sweetbread, I think of banana bread. Am I missing something? (Wouldn’t be the first time…)

    1. Ah, sweetbreadS is not sweetbread! Sweetbreads is “the culinary name for the thymus or the pancreas, especially of the calf and lamb”. When raw, sweetbreads look like dollops of cat-sick, but they cook into quite a delicacy. They have a silken, creamy texture, not unlike soft tofu. But offal has never found universal favour (hence its presence on the list). Here’s a bit more on sweetbreads, in case you’re interested (but don’t click on this if you’re having your breakfast…): http://www.thekitchn.com/what-are-sweetbreads-and-why-you-should-try-them-meat-basics-208248

    1. Oh, that’s neat. However, I think you may be disappointed… there is food aplenty in my story, and there are dinners. But there are no dates, as such. 🙂

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